Yesterday my cycle started. I really had a good feeling this month, which is crazy because we were told we couldn’t do IUI because of the size and amount of cysts I had. But, my body did everything it was supposed to do, and we timed everything perfectly.
I just knew I was about to have this cool story about how it had to be a “God thing,” getting pregnant on our own in the middle of IUI. I’m relearning that God doesn’t work on our timeline. We don’t always pray a prayer and see that same prayer answered the next week. If you’ve walked through infertility then you probably know what I mean when I say that this process can be emotionally, mentally, physically and financially draining. It can be SO easy to let your mind slip into a place of worry, resentment, jealousy, ( …enter any negative emotion here.)
Full transparency- sometimes in this process it is just easier to let your mind wander than it is to tell yourself, “even if we don’t get those two pink lines this month, He is STILL good.” That gets harder and harder as the months go on.
If you’ve been through infertility, you probably know that the pain comes in waves. There are days when I can pray, thanking God for the goodness He provides, but then there are days like yesterday when I struggle to talk to him without drowning myself in tears.
One thing I’m being reminded of is that it may not always feel like it, but it is a blessing to continually be handing over my plans. It is a blessing to kneel before God and hand Him my timeline & my dreams. To rely solely on Him. Because I know that His plans for my life are always, always, always greater than I could ever even dream up.
So through the injections, the physical pain, the medications, the hormones, the dr bills that pile up, the dr visits and sonograms, even if you have to say it over and over and over until you start to believe it, It’s okay. He is good. He is good. He is good. He is still good.
Isaiah 43:1 -2 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.”