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I know this blog will most likely never be seen by anyone else’s eyes. At least I hope! I feel so vulnerable putting these feelings out there. I pray that someday they’ll be found by someone who needs them.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive since April 2014. It is now December 30, 2015. I can honestly say I never would have dreamed that it would have even taken this long. I thought maybe two, three months at the most.
Yet, here we are, eight months later.
I am trying to keep my spirits up, but it is definitely waning. Every month when I take a test and glance at that one little pink line, my heart breaks a little bit. When I scroll through social media and someone announces their pregnancy, or the birth of their baby – my heart breaks even just a little bit more. I have never been a jealous person, but during this chapter in my life, it has become so hard to not get envious.
My prayer through this whole thing has been that if it isn’t Gods will for us to have a baby of our own, then I understand. It will be a hard pill for me to swallow, but I know that God does things for a reason and for a purpose.
The greatest thing that has come out of us waiting and waiting for something we want so badly is our relationships with the Lord. I have learned that our greatest needs become a blessing when they force us to depend on God. Only God can send blessings but sometimes he needs to see our faith.
If you are in the same little canoe as me, just remember that answers come in God’s timing, not ours.
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
So, for now, I’ll just be learning to rest in God’s faithfulness.