Happy New Year! The day I have been dreading for a while.
I really should have just asked my husband to hide my phone from me last night. Couple after couple after couple announcing their pregnancies on facebook.
People that have been married for 6 months.. people that weren’t even trying and “we’re just so surprised!”
Deep down I’m excited for these people. But I had a big old pity party for us last night. I finally got my hubby to join in my negativity for about 5 minutes, then he was back to being his positive, cup-half-full, self.
I should really be more grateful for his positivity through all of this. The first couple of months we would both just get really pissed off at the process and sulk for days. He has really taken on the role of staying positive. I think that is one of the biggest reasons I get so upset when I read a negative pregnancy test.
Walking out of the bathroom to see him sitting there just waiting to hear me say yes or no- and just watching his eyes drop every time I say no. It breaks my heart even more than reading the negative test does. I feel like such a disappointment. Failure comes to the forefront of my mind every single time. I can’t wait until the day I get to tell him he’s going to be a daddy. I know he is going to be the best at that role too.
So what is my New Year’s resolution this year?! I have a ton but number one is going to be toning down the negativity. I need to practice what I preach and learn to truly rely on God and trust in his timing.
So, for now, I’m going to shift my focus more onto my classes and finishing up so that I can transfer to a university. Hopefully, while I’m not forcing myself to think BABYBABYBABYBABY all the time we might end up with a little surprise in 2016. Who knows?!?