InInfertility

What Not to Say to Your Infertile Friend

1 in 8 women are infertile, so you most likely know someone going through infertility.

Sometimes we can open our mouths before fully thinking it through, with no intentions of being hurtful. The most supportive people in my life – my safe places to talk about this – hardly say a word. But I know they are there for me.

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my friend Brittany, asking if it was okay if she gave her friend my number. Her friend, also named Britni (haha) just happened to be the leader of the Infertility and Infant Loss ministry at our church, Hearts Like Hannah’s.

Because of that little text – I am now apart of a small group of women who get it. I feel seen, understood and like I don’t have to cover up how I’m feeling. They understand the roller coaster because they are buckled in on the ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ถ๐˜ด. They’ve heard the hurtful comments, they’ve cried the same tears.

My friend told me she wanted me to know she’s there for me but she doesn’t know what to say, so she thought this might be helpful, and she was right.

Be like my friend Brittany. ๐Ÿ’˜

My husband and I went through infertility with our first son, and now we’re trekking through it again. We’ve heard all kinds of comments, both times. And most from people we know care about us and weren’t trying to be rude. Infertility is one of those things that I just don’t think you can understand unless you’ve been through it.

If you’re going through infertility and you hear statements like those I mentioned above, I hope you’ll give your family and friends a little grace. If they say these things, then they probably haven’t been in our shoes – and personally- I’m thankful for that. We know how hard this road can be, and wouldn’t wish for anyone else to understand the pain and confusion it can bring.

If you have a friend or family member on the infertility journey, please don’t offer them unsolicited advice. Your friend has probably already tried everything, even the thing you think she hasn’t heard of. I assure you, she has.

If you truly want to be supportive, I would just ask them how you can be most supportive. They may say they don’t want to talk about it, and that is ultimately their decision. My personal advice is to pray for them, and tell them you are there to listen; and listen only.

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