Maybe

I started writing this poem shortly after we found out that we were pregnant with a little girl. I was writing it for her at first but now I realize it was a love letter to both of us. The idea of raising a little girl who would one day become a woman scared me. I’m 32 and still learning how to love myself. I’m still figuring out who I am and re-writing my story.

I’m working on worrying less about what people think of me and more about what I think of myself- I was worried about how I was going to teach another female how to be confident in who she is when I’m still working on that myself…

But now that she’s here, I’ve realized that if she can watch me always trying to be better than I was the day before - then maybe that’s all she needs. Maybe that’s all any kid needs.

Maybe

Maybe if I decide to love the soft parts of my body

she’ll never know how to hate hers

Maybe if I keep choosing to grow, even when it’s easier to stay stagnant

she’ll know no other way but forward

Maybe If I fill our home with laughter and flowers

she’ll never stop blooming

Maybe if I love her daddy freely, openly, and without restraint & let him love me right back

she’ll see the kind of love she deserves

Maybe if I stay vulnerable

she’ll see that it’s okay to be tender in a hard world

Maybe if I keep wrestling with God and the unknown

she’ll see that faith isn’t something to blindly accept, but a lifelong adventure

Maybe if I hand out forgiveness willingly

she’ll know the steady rhythm of grace

Maybe if I let her know that I don’t know all the answers

she’ll stay curious

Maybe if I keep learning to use my voice

She’ll never question hers

Photographer: E. Dixon Photography