At 31 years old I’ve decided to stop hating my body. I wore a dress that hit above the knees today, something I haven’t done in years - mainly because I’m still bloated after my surgery and everything is uncomfortable. But also I’m just really tired. Exhausted. I’m done spending precious time hating my thighs. My “saddlebags” (can I tell you I HATE that term? I'm not a horse). My jiggly arms. My gut that’s never going away due to a c section scar and multiple incisions from surgeries. I’ve decided I’m going to start working with my mind and body instead of against them.

These “thunder” thighs have taken me to beautiful places - they’ve walked me on the cobblestone streets of Ireland, the beautiful beaches of Jamaica, they walked me into a Broadway play in Chicago with my BFF (HAMILTON, HELLO! ⭐️) they’ve carried me to the best coffee shops in Seattle, and down Times Square in NYC. They walked me down the aisle to my soul mate. Now they help me move like a fool during our daily dance parties in the living room.

My jiggly arms rocked my sweet baby boy to sleep, and now they comfort my big, brave 4-year-old. They let me hug my mom and my sisters, hugs that I’ll never take for granted. They help me wrap myself up in the safe arms of my sweetheart.

My stretch mark covered tummy - the area I hate the most. The place where most of my pain shows up daily from my chronic illness. The place that decided it was just done carrying my baby a couple of weeks ago. The place I resent the most. But also the place that reminds me every day to never take a pain-free day for granted. To remember that health is everything and that life is precious.

If you told me you've never had “body image issues,” I’d probably call you a liar-liar pants on fire. I’m just here to remind you that your body is beautiful, even when it feels broken. It has carried you through the lowest lows and the highest highs, and I don’t think it’s done quite yet.

I pinky promise you, the way that you look is the least interesting thing about you.

You’re a babe, a 10/10!

Let’s make peace & start talking to our bodies like they belong to someone we love ❤️

Last week I had my second laparoscopic surgery. My first one was on September 30, 2019, so I guess you could say I’m a frequent flyer. The first laparoscopy I had was more exploratory, my OBGYN had found some questionable cysts/polyps so she ordered a CA125 test. That CA125 came back elevated. This led to visits with a gynecologic oncologist to rule out cancer. Needless to say, that was a scary season to walk through. That first laparoscopy ruled out cancer but led to a Stage-Three Endometriosis diagnosis. My surgeon said my ovaries were fused together - this is apparently called “kissing ovaries.” How cute, right? They were then fused to my bladder. I also had lots of adhesions and scarring.

Now we’ve started the IVF process. My reproductive endocrinologist did not want to start the first part of the medications because I had several large endometriomas (this is where Eminem’s Guess Who’s Back song gets stuck in my head. Endometriosis is an aggressive and persistent kind of evil) that would be in her way during the egg retrieval. Now that I’ve been through this twice, I thought I’d pass on some of the knowledge I’ve gained.

Pre-Op

I don’t know about you, but the idea of having surgery freaked.me.out. The idea of being under anesthesia was the scariest part. What if it didn’t work? Or what if it worked TOO well and I didn’t wake up?! To answer the first concern - it will work. I’m no doctor, but I don’t think they’ll operate if it doesn’t work. Regarding my second concern about waking up, I woke up eventually - I think it took a while but I did. I remember it being the fuzziest feeling, hearing my nurses talk but feeling like I was far away in a dream. It was weird. I remember wanting to know where my husband was but not being able to form words. Immediately following surgery I wasn’t in a ton of pain - yet. I think I was still loaded with all the good drugs I couldn’t feel anything!

I didn’t get to leave the second surgery as fast as I did the first. You are required to “void” (pee) before they’ll let you leave, and my bladder would not wake up! It took three times and the nurse sweetly warning me if I wasn’t able to urinate they’d have to send me home with a catheter. They even brought a machine in to do a sonogram of my bladder to see if it was filling up. Two juice boxes and two water bottles later and I was good to go. Whew!

Recovery

My first surgery left me with INSANE pain in my right shoulder and stomach. This surgery left me with the same, but more so in my rib cage. During your surgery, they fill your abdomen with CO2 gas. The pain the gas leaves behind while trying to escape your body is NO joke! It hurt me more than the incisions each time.