Mothering with ADHD: How I'm Creating Structure That Works for My Brain

I Thought Structure Meant Rigid Schedules...

Before I knew I had ADHD, I thought structure had to look like color-coded planners, rigid routines, and perfectly executed mornings.

It never worked.

I’d try a new system, get overwhelmed, burn out, and blame myself for not being “disciplined enough.”

Now, I know better.

Mothering with ADHD doesn’t mean I need more discipline — it means I need structure that’s kind, flexible, and actually ADHD-friendly.

What I Need as an ADHD Mom (That I Used to Ignore)

  • Visual reminders (because out of sight = out of mind)

  • Flexible rhythms, not strict routines

  • Low-effort systems that work even when my brain is tired

  • Space for rest without guilt

  • Permission to drop perfection and choose good enough

Here’s What’s Working for Me Right Now

1. I Use Anchors, Not Timetables

Instead of a rigid schedule, I build my day around anchors — things that happen in order but not at set times:

  • Wake up → Coffee → Kids’ morning routine

  • Lunch → Outside time → Quiet play

  • Dinner → Tidy up → Wind-down

It gives my brain predictability without pressure.

2. I Write the Same Things Down Every Day — On Purpose

I used to feel silly writing “make breakfast” in my planner… but now I do it on purpose. Why?

Because my ADHD brain thrives on visible cues and task-based momentum.
Even crossing off little things helps me build flow and confidence.

3. I Build In Margin

I expect things to take longer. I build in breaks. I plan one hard thing per day max.

Margin is my way of being kind to my executive functioning.

4. I Use Visual Systems for My Kids, Too

We have visual checklists for homeschool and morning routines.
Not only does it help my son (who’s also neurodivergent), but it also helps me stay on track without being the human reminder system all day.

I’m Learning to Mother Myself, Too

Some days, structure feels like freedom.
Other days, it feels like trying to herd cats.

I’m learning to offer myself grace — not shame — on the hard days.

Mothering with ADHD is not a failure to plan.
It’s an invitation to design life differently.
Softer. Simpler. Smarter for your brain.

Gentle Reminders for My Fellow ADHD Moms

🌼 You don’t have to do it like everyone else.
🌼 Your brain isn’t broken — it’s just wired for different tools.
🌼 You’re not lazy. You’re managing more than people realize.
🌼 Small systems count. Tiny habits matter.
🌼 You’re already doing more than enough.

Share This with Another ADHD Mama

If this resonated with you, leave a comment or tag me on Instagram @sitwithbritt__ — let’s create space for each other to thrive.

5 Grounding Practices That Keep Me Calm in Overwhelming Mom Moments

(Or, how I don’t completely lose it when the toddler screams because her banana is too “banana-y.”)

Let’s be real: mom life is beautiful... and also completely unhinged at times. One minute you’re peacefully sipping lukewarm coffee, and the next you’re refereeing a wrestling match over a stuffed llama, nursing a headache, and questioning every life choice that led you to this moment.

As a therapist, I know about grounding.
As a mom, I use grounding like it’s my emotional caffeine.
So here are my five go-to grounding practices that help me stay semi-sane when mom life gets chaotic. (And yes, you can absolutely do these with a baby on your hip and a rogue Goldfish cracker in your bra.)

1. Box Breathing (Even If You’re Hiding in the Pantry)

Box breathing is my ride-or-die. It’s quick, free, and doesn’t require crystals or a yoga mat (though, power to you if you have those too). Here’s how you do it:

  • Inhale for 4 counts

  • Hold for 4

  • Exhale for 4

  • Hold for 4

Repeat a few rounds until your heart rate slows and your inner “I’m about to lose it” monster starts to simmer down.

2. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise (This is a fav among clients as well!)

When my thoughts are spiraling faster than my toddler running toward an open toilet, I use the 5-4-3-2-1 method:

  • 5 things you can see

  • 4 things you can feel

  • 3 things you can hear

  • 2 things you can smell

  • 1 thing you can taste

It pulls me out of my stress brain and into the present.

3. Cold Water Magic

I don’t know the science (okay I do—vagus nerve regulation, baby), but cold water = instant mood reset.

If I’m spiraling, I splash cold water on my face or run my wrists under the faucet for 30 seconds. It’s basically a mom version of a spiritual ice bath. It snaps my nervous system out of “panic mode” and into “okay, maybe we can survive this meltdown.”

Also works if your kid spills smoothie on your shirt—two birds, one splash.

4. Grounding With Your Senses (Literally Touching Grass)

When I feel like I might implode, I go outside. Shoes off, feet in the grass. I take a deep breath, feel the earth, and pretend I’m an unbothered woodland fairy instead of a sleep-deprived human snack dispenser.

If outside isn’t an option (like, say, you're trapped in the school pick-up line), I keep textured fidget toys in my bag to run my fingers over. Little sensory anchors = big calm vibes.

5. Mantras That Don’t Make Me Roll My Eyes

I used to think mantras were too woo-woo… until I found the right ones. I’m not talking “I am a goddess of light” (unless that works for you—go off!). I’m talking gritty, grounded mom mantras like:

  • “This is hard, but I can do hard things.”

  • “Feelings aren’t facts.”

  • “This moment isn’t forever.”

  • “I’m allowed to take a breath before I respond.”

  • “It’s okay if they eat chicken nuggets again.” (This one is on repeat in our house)

Repeat until your nervous system stops trying to leave your body.

Final Thoughts from One Slightly Feral Mom to Another

There’s no perfect way to mom. There are just practices that help. These grounding tools don’t magically make the chaos disappear, but they help me show up with more patience, presence, and peace.

So the next time your child loses it because you cut their sandwich the wrong way, try one of these. And maybe take a breath before rage-texting your partner. 😉

You’re doing better than you think.

With love,
Britt
(Therapist. Mom. Professional Goldfish-cracker-finder.)

20/365

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

-Annie Johnson Flint

*technically I didn’t take this photograph, my husband did. But I literally had to do everything besides pressing the shutter button. :)