Helping Loved Ones Through Infertility

Infertility is a journey no one expects to take, yet it impacts 1 in 8 couples. For those on the outside—family, friends, and loved ones—it can be hard to know how to help. What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? Personally, I am one of the “1 in 8.”

As a therapist, I’ve seen how infertility can strain relationships, deepen feelings of isolation, and test even the strongest support systems. Let’s talk about how you can be a source of comfort, understanding, and strength during this challenging time.

1. Listen More, Talk Less

Infertility is deeply personal, and every person experiences it differently. The best thing you can do is create a space for them to share their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment.

  • What to do: Say things like, “I’m here if you want to talk,” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”

  • What to avoid: Offering advice like, “Just relax, and it will happen.” While well-intentioned, such comments can minimize their struggle - and honestly- drive them absolutely crazy.

2. Educate Yourself About Infertility

Understanding the emotional, physical, and financial toll of infertility can help you empathize better. Learn the basics of infertility treatments, but remember: you’re not there to be an expert.

  • Why it matters: When you’re informed, you’re less likely to unintentionally say something hurtful, like assuming they can "just adopt" or question why they’re pursuing a specific treatment.

3. Respect Their Boundaries

Not everyone will want to discuss their infertility journey, and that’s okay. Respect their need for privacy.

  • What to do: Follow their lead on how much they want to share. If they don’t bring it up, don’t push them to talk.

  • What to avoid: Asking intrusive questions like, “How much is all this costing you?” or “Whose fault is it?”

4. Avoid Toxic Positivity

While positivity has its place, phrases like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you’re still young!” can feel dismissive. Infertility is a loss—of expectations, timelines, and sometimes pregnancies—and it’s okay to acknowledge that pain.

  • What to do: Say, “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. I’m here for you.”

5. Be Mindful of Milestones and Social Media

Pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and Mother’s Day celebrations can be incredibly triggering. While you shouldn’t tiptoe around your own joy, be sensitive about how it’s shared.

  • What to do: If you’re close, consider sharing big news privately before a public announcement so they can process it in their own time. I had a friend get pregnant during our struggle with infertility - she invited me over for breakfast and told me in person before she blasted it on her social media. That was one of the most thoughtful gestures - and I was ecstatic for her!

  • What to avoid: Tagging them in baby-related posts or assuming they’ll attend every family baby event.

6. Offer Practical Help

Infertility treatments can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Small gestures of support can mean a lot.

  • What to do: Offer to cook a meal, run errands, or just spend time with them in a way that feels normal and unrelated to their journey.

  • What to avoid: Assuming they want constant distraction. Some days they might, other days they might just need space.

7. Acknowledge Their Partner’s Experience

Infertility impacts both partners, even if only one is undergoing treatments or experiencing medical challenges. Don’t forget to check in on both people in the relationship.

8. Be Patient and Flexible

This journey can last months or years, and emotions will ebb and flow. Your loved one may cancel plans last-minute or seem distant at times. Try not to take it personally.

9. Know When to Encourage Professional Help

If your loved one seems overwhelmed, hopeless, or withdrawn for long periods, gently suggest they consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Infertility is tough, and professional help can make a difference.

10. Remind Them They’re Not Alone

The struggle with infertility can feel isolating, but knowing they have someone in their corner can make all the difference. Your presence, patience, and kindness can be a light in an otherwise dark time.

Final Thoughts
Supporting someone through infertility isn’t about saying the perfect thing; it’s about being there. As a therapist, I’ve seen how powerful understanding and just holding space for someone can be in the healing process. If you’re unsure of how to help, start with this: Show up, listen, and let them know you care. Sometimes, that’s all they really need.

Have you supported someone through infertility or experienced it yourself? Share your insights in the comments—your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

Common Myths About Therapy: Debunking Misconceptions

Breaking Down the Myths About Therapy: What’s True, What’s Not, and Why You Shouldn’t Be Scared

Therapy. It’s one of those things people love to whisper about at dinner parties but rarely say out loud. For something that’s changed the lives of millions, there still seems to be a bit of a negative stigma around seeking therapy. So let’s roll up our sleeves, bust some myths, and have a good laugh along the way.

Myth #1: “Therapists are just paid friends.”

Ah yes, because nothing screams “friendship” like someone who has a clock ticking in the background and asks, “How does that make you feel?”
Reality: While a therapist is kind (we promise), they’re not your buddy. They’re highly trained professionals who are there to guide you through challenges, teach you coping strategies, and help you see patterns in your life that your BFF might not mention for fear of ruining your brunch plans.

Also, unlike your actual friends, therapists don’t interrupt your heart-wrenching story to tell you about their latest dating drama.

Myth #2: “Therapy is only for people who are ‘broken.’”

First of all, nobody’s “broken.” But if therapy were only for people who feel like a hot mess, there wouldn’t be so many clients showing up in business suits and leaving in better spirits than their barista sees at 7 a.m.
Reality: Therapy is for anyone who wants to improve their life, relationships, or mental health. Think of it like the gym but for your brain. Even the strongest minds need a good workout.

Myth #3: “Therapists will fix my problems for me.”

Oh, wouldn’t that be nice? Just roll into a session, explain your woes, and walk out with a step-by-step manual for a perfect life.
Reality: A therapist is more like your co-pilot, not your mechanic. They help you navigate, but you’re still the one steering the plane. They’ll point out the storm clouds and guide you around turbulence, but the work? That’s on you, my friend.

Myth #4: “Therapy is all about lying on a couch while someone judges you.”

Look, the couch thing is mostly for the movies. If you want to lie down, most therapists won’t mind, but there’s usually a perfectly good chair.
Reality: Therapy is about creating a judgment-free zone to explore your thoughts, feelings, and goals. Your therapist isn’t there to critique your life choices—they’re there to help you understand them and figure out what’s next. Plus, the only person judging you for wearing sweatpants to therapy is probably you.

Myth #5: “Therapists will psychoanalyze me the second we meet.”

Picture this: You’re at a party, you casually mention you’re a therapist, and someone immediately says, “Oh no, you’re totally analyzing me right now!” Spoiler: We’re not. We’re probably thinking about the snack table.
Reality: Therapists save the analysis for sessions where it’s helpful, not every casual conversation. Outside the office, they’re regular humans with regular thoughts (and yes, they probably binge-watch Netflix, too).

Myth #6: “Therapy is too expensive.”

Okay, this one can be valid, but let’s put it in perspective: How much are you spending on coffee, streaming services, or takeout each month?
Reality: Many therapists offer sliding scales, accept insurance, or work at non-profits with lower fees. And considering therapy helps improve your overall mental health, it’s more of an investment in your future than a one-time splurge. Plus, no amount of avocado toast can solve your existential crisis (though it’s delicious while you work on it).

Final Thoughts: Therapy Is What You Make It

Therapy isn’t scary, mysterious, or for “other people.” It’s a tool—a really great tool—that can help you live your best life. If you’ve been hesitant to try it, hopefully, this cleared up some misconceptions and eased your mind a bit.

And remember: Even if you do lie on the couch, no one’s judging you. We’ve all been there.

What other myths have you heard about therapy? Drop them in the comments—I’d love to bust a few more!

Illustration of common therapy myths

Therapist Book Recommendations

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You know when you search Pinterest for a recipe and they give you their whole life story like they’re holding the recipe hostage until you take 15 minutes to read their monologue…. you won’t find that here. You don’t have time for that and neither do I!

Click this link below for a list of books that have been significant in my mental health journey: some were required readings during my graduate studies, while others came highly recommended by my therapist.

I know firsthand how expensive psychotherapy can be, especially if you don’t have insurance. These books have been beneficial to me, and hopefully, they will be for you too! I also know how life-changing therapy can be, and I highly recommend it if you're able!

 

Top 3 on the list

  1. “The Body Keeps the Score”

    Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned psychiatrist and trauma researcher, has dedicated his career to studying how traumatic experiences shape our mental and physical health. "The Body Keeps the Score” explores how traumatic experiences alter brain functions, particularly affecting areas responsible for memory, emotion regulation, and executive functioning. Understanding these changes is crucial for comprehending why trauma survivors often feel stuck in a state of fear and helplessness. (Trauma is not always/only extremes like being in a war).

  2. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents"
    "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" is an invaluable resource for anyone seeking to understand the impact of their upbringing and to embark on a journey of healing.

  3. “Codependent No More”
    I loved this book because it includes practical tools such as setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in self-reflection to help readers develop a stronger sense of self and improve their relationships.

Amazon Book List

Just some thoughts on Social Media...

We need to have a chit-chat. If social media (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat, etc.) charged a dollar per minute you were on them, how much money would you owe your phone? I’d be BROKE.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media - I love having the ability to meet people (virtually) you’d never be able to meet & build online communities. I’ve made friends on here that have gone through the same infertility struggles I have. We’ve built our own little IVF community. I’ve gotten advice and given advice I wouldn’t have found elsewhere.

The part I hate is how curated & sometimes just plain fake social media can be. How we don’t even notice but we’re taking in WAY too many people’s highlight reels (literally & figuratively) and unconsciously comparing them to our everyday life. Life isn’t curated & perfect & the lighting isn’t always “just right.” Life is messy! Social media is making our anxiety & depression as a society go up & it makes COMPLETE sense - our brains weren’t meant to take in alllll of this information and opinions and NOISE. We start using it as a tool to disassociate from our own lives.

I’m pretty transparent online, but even I don’t post all the nitty gritty because who wants to see the ugly? I don’t post about struggling with anxiety. I don’t post pictures of my messy house that’s typically got a good layer of dog hair covering the floor (bc what kind of stay-at-home mom would that make me?!) I don’t talk about how I grab my phone to disassociate from life when the baby’s been crying too much and the 5-year-old is going through a fit-throwing phase and I just need a MINUTE 😰.

Have you ever parked somewhere and just watched people? Y’all. We don’t have to turn the tv on to see The Walking Dead. We are living in it! We’re a bunch of zombies! I watched a lady walk straight into the trash can at the gas station yesterday because she was staring at her phone! FR!

We keep saying we can’t function in our society without social media. I’m starting to think I can’t function WITH social media.

Consent in Childhood

Disclosure// This post contains affiliate links, which just means when you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend/ share products that I personally love!

Have you heard the quote “it shouldn’t have to happen to you for it to matter to you”?
It’s one of my all-time favorite quotes. BUT - sometimes the things that DO happen to us make us incredibly passionate about preventing that same thing from happening to others.

One thing that I’m passionate about preventing is sexual assault in childhood.
Sexual assault may not be what you think it is - it can range from unwanted sexual touching or groping to sexual harassment, sexual harassment online, and rape.

We don’t talk about it enough; it’s a difficult topic for many and can bring up painful memories. ♥️

However, in order to prevent & heal something, we eventually have to talk about it.

The statistics are heartbreaking, and I will do my best to make sure my children don’t become a part of these numbers. I want to help you to do the same.

1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18.

1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18.

Most of the time the abuser is someone the child knows; either a family member or a family friend.

We do not make our son hug or kiss family members or friends when he says he doesn’t want to.

It can make for awkward moments when people are persistent in getting his attention, but we have let him know that he is in control of his body, no matter who that may offend. I’ve heard “oh come on, don’t be rude to so-and-so” a million times, and I’m sure I’ll hear it a million more before he is an adult.

(Great Aunt Edna will get over it, I promise. If she doesn’t, that’s not our kids’ responsibility).


We want our son and future daughter to know that their words have power, and if they do not want to be touched, then the people in their life will respect that. I will always be his biggest advocate.

This will lead to them knowing that other people are in charge of their own bodies as well.

Other ways we teach consent in our home and safeguard our child:

  • We have taught our son the anatomically correct names for his body parts. He knows his private body part is called a penis. Our daughter will know that hers is called a vagina.

    It’s important to teach children the correct names for their body parts; Penis, Vagina, Breasts, etc. This can feel weird to talk to our kids about at first, but if a child is sexually assaulted and they try to tell an adult - it is much easier for the adult to understand “vagina” instead of a pet name word like “teetee” or “weewee.” Studies also show that calling body parts by their correct names leads to more self-confidence in adolescents.

  • We don’t “keep secrets” in our house. We want our son to know that if someone tried to tell him something like “this will be our little secret” - that is a big red flag, and he knows to tell us. If my husband and I want to surprise each other with a gift, we tell him that it’s a surprise for mommy or daddy, not a secret - that way he knows he probably shouldn’t tell mommy or daddy about their surprise, but he’s not being taught to keep a secret.


I’m a huge advocate for using children’s books to help explain things in an age-appropriate way that my 5-year-old can understand.
Look below for more suggestions.

 


Miles is the Boss of His Body is my son’s favorite! It’s a story about Miles’ 6th birthday party, in which Miles gets fed up with everyone touching him when he doesn’t wish to be touched; Grandpa pinching his cheeks, his brother giving him noogies, his mom hugging him too tightly, etc. He feels like his family is not respecting him and he lets them know. His parents respond by letting him know how proud they are of him.

Miles is the Boss of His Body

Boundaries

I don’t know who needs to hear this but *you are not responsible for people’s reactions and emotions to a healthy boundary that you set for yourself or your family.*

I (a recovering codependent people-pleaser) received that advice about a year and a half ago and it’s something I’ve had to keep in the back of my mind, especially when someone recently told me that the boundaries I set regarding c-19 “hurt their feelings.”

Of course I instantly felt bad - I never want to hurt anyone. But then I remembered that advice & that the feelings they felt weren’t my responsibility - I was (and am) setting boundaries that are needed for myself and my family.

Do I want to hurt people? Absolutely not. But at the end of the day I’m not responsible for anyone’s feelings in response to my boundaries.

Do others have to agree with our boundaries? Nope. They don’t even have to understand our boundaries and why we have them in order for them to respect them.

You are responsible for yourself - your boundaries, your attitude, your words, your life. You can’t control how others perceive you, and you are not responsible for their feelings, behavior, or their opinion of you.

P.S. You don’t need to apologize or explain a healthy boundary you’ve set. If someone respects you, your boundaries won’t offend them. ✌🏼


Possibility


I started talking to a therapist last year. I really hadn’t told anyone because I was ashamed that I needed a therapist - which is completely ironic & hypocritical considering I’m in grad school to BE a therapist. (That negative stigma around mental health is real & anxiety/depression is very, very real!)

But among the many things my therapist helped me work through, one that I didn’t expect was the way she acted as a broker of permission in that she gave me a supportive environment & the permission to look at God in a new way. She gave me thoughts and questions to sit with to help me explore why I felt the way I did about God.

It was like rewiring an old house, I had to disconnect all of the ways I had attached the God figure to my lack of a biological father figure. I had to tear down the vision I’ve had my entire life of a God who is mean and vengeful, sitting on his throne with a big stick just waiting for me to screw up so he can smack me on the head, and in the end, would just leave me.

My therapist opened my eyes to the wild possibility that I AM worthy of love, and that God isn’t who I thought He was.

I think that’s a big part of therapy - reminding people that regardless of their past, there is a possibility that they can re-wire their thoughts and re-author their stories. Therapy can be hard, but the hope that it brings you is worth all the hard, internal work it takes to get to the other side of healing.

Maybe you don’t think you need therapy because you aren’t feeling anxious or depressed. But maybe you DO need to be reminded of the possibility that you are worthy of more in your life.

How to Pay for IVF When Insurance Doesn’t Cut It

One of the first thoughts that crossed our mind when we were told we’d only be able to conceive through IVF was "how expensive is this going to be?!”

We’ve completed one cycle of IVF and while it wasn’t quite as expensive out of pocket as we were afraid it would be, it was still pretty expensive. Insanely expensive if you don’t have insurance. I realize how lucky we are to have such good insurance, especially after talking to several people who haven’t attempted IVF because of the cost.

I added up what we spent out of pocket and what insurance covered:

Out of pocket: $6,692.56
Insurance covered roughly $30,000.

Before those numbers completely freak you out, I will tell you that this included a surgery I needed to clear up some endometriosis adhesions that had grown back since my previous surgery the year before. (yeah, endometriosis is THAT aggressive. It sucks.) The out-of-pocket expenses include anesthesia for the two times I was given anesthesia, my surgery & the egg retrieval. It is also accounting for our medication expenses to the specialty pharmacies we used. Everyone’s drug protocol is different, you may be on more or less medication than I was.

Our first round of IVF was successful in that we did get pregnant. However, we miscarried at 7 weeks so now we are starting our second FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle. We’ve paid so much that our second round is FREE! yay! I just ordered our new round of meds and only had to pay $20 co-pay. Believe me when I say that the privilege we have to pursue IVF is not lost on me. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to try again.

I also want other couples who struggle with infertility to have the chance to conceive through IVF, regardless of the cost. I have found several different ways you may be able to pay for IVF, even without insurance.

Check the links below and see if any of these might be a good opportunity for you.

This website has a TON of fertility grants in Texas.

The Samfund offers a grant of up to $4,000 for cancer survivors.

Hasidah provides IVF grants to Jewish families who have medical and financial needs. Grants usually run between $5,000 and $15,000.

Tree of Life offers grants of up to $10,000 for hopeful Jewish parents living in Central Texas. Requirement: make under $100,000 per year.

Footsteps for Fertility grants for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), or three Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) transfers within a year.

Gift of Parenthood grant that awards money for IVF, IUI, and surrogacy.

Baby Quest provides infertility grants two times a year.

Cade Foundation provides IVF grants to U.S. citizens and has averaged dispensing 7.3 grants per year over the last decade.

Hope for Fertility Foundation awards $500 – $3,500 grants in June to legally married couples who are U.S. citizens with an infertility diagnosis.

Cade Foundation provides IVF grants to U.S. citizens and has averaged dispensing 7.3 grants per year over the last decade.

Lending Club  “A fast, simple, and more affordable way to get financing for your fertility care.”

BabyQuest Foundation list of requirements can be found on their website, but you must be a U.S. citizen or Permanent Citizen, and you must be treated by a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

Capexmd.com “CAPEXMD offers a wide variety of loan options, allowing you to attain the necessary financing required to make your treatment affordable.”

AGC Scholarships various grants. Requirements: 18+, U.S. citizen diagnosed with infertility, demonstrate financial need.



P.S. This is another great reminder for those not experiencing infertility - IVF and adoption are right around the same price. So maybe saying “just adopt!” isn’t the best response, unless you plan to donate. ;)


Fast Facts About Men's Mental Health

 

I have a love/hate relationship with every month being a month for a “cause”. I love it because it brings important topics to everyone’s attention, I hate it because they almost always cause that we should be talking about every month, not just a specific month.

June is Men’s Health Month. From my perspective - Men’s mental health needs a bit more focus, and this article will explain why.

One popular myth that I’d like to get out of the way right off the bat

Depression = Weakness.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is, there are so many factors that contribute to depression. Low levels of testosterone being one. Lower testosterone can lead to depression, stress, and mood swings. Depression has nothing to do with weakness. Societal constructs have led us to believe that men should control their emotions. They should be strong, resilient and never show any signs of weakness.

This has led to a stigma surrounding mental health, especially in men. Depression, anxiety and other mental health issues are serious health conditions and should be treated like any other health condition like high blood pressure or diabetes.

Depression affects over 6 million men per year, but often goes unnoticed.

Signs & Symptoms of Depression in Men

(that often go unnoticed)

  • Feelings of sadness or unimportance

  • Loss of interest in hobbies and things you once liked

  • Losing or gaining weight

  • Difficulty going to sleep or sleeping too much

  • Feeling tired often

  • Feeling worthless or hopeless

  • Difficulty focusing

  • Suicidal thoughts

  • Withdrawing from family and friends

  • Anger, irritability, or aggressiveness

  • Physical aches, back pain, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems

  • Low libido

  • Feeling worried, restless, or on edge

  • Feeling a need for alcohol or drugs

  • Inability to meet the responsibilities of work, family, or other obligations

“”Stress, trauma, major life changes, the loss of a loved one, or a difficult relationship can bring on depression for men and women alike, but financial problems and work problems may affect men more than women because of the stereotypes we often associate with each gender” ”

— SingleCare




Male Celebrities

Depression and Anxiety doesn’t pick and choose. There are many, many famous men who have gone public with their mental health. Guys like Jim Carrey, Dwayne Johnson (The Rock), Owen Wilson, Brad Pitt, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Evans, and many more have explained that they live with depression or anxiety or another form of mental illness.

It’s way more common then you’d think, and you are not alone.

Famous Male Athletes

Terry Bradshaw - had panic attacks after games and was diagnosed with clinical depression in the late 90’s. In the video below.
Earl Campbell - diagnosed with panic and anxiety disorders.
Michael Phelps, Oscar De La Hoya, Larry Sanders, just to name a few.


Where to Find Help

While you may be able to find a local counselor or therapist through your insurance provider, there are also many online counseling options that may be a better fit for you.

Better Help - Better Help offers online therapy for individuals, couples and teens.

Online-Therapy

Talkspace - Right now they have a special offer - use the code GOAL for $80 off!

Man Therapy This website is full of Men’s Mental Health Resources.

 

let’s make peace - with our bodies

 



Photo by: @rsanchescarvalho

At 31 years old I’ve decided to stop hating my body. I wore a dress that hit above the knees today, something I haven’t done in years - mainly because I’m still bloated after my surgery and everything is uncomfortable. But also I’m just really tired. Exhausted. I’m done spending precious time hating my thighs. My “saddlebags” (can I tell you I HATE that term? I'm not a horse). My jiggly arms. My gut that’s never going away due to a c section scar and multiple incisions from surgeries. I’ve decided I’m going to start working with my mind and body instead of against them.


These “thunder” thighs have taken me to beautiful places - they’ve walked me on the cobblestone streets of Ireland, the beautiful beaches of Jamaica, they walked me into a Broadway play in Chicago with my BFF (HAMILTON, HELLO! ⭐️) they’ve carried me to the best coffee shops in Seattle, and down Times Square in NYC. They walked me down the aisle to my soul mate. Now they help me move like a fool during our daily dance parties in the living room.


My jiggly arms rocked my sweet baby boy to sleep, and now they comfort my big, brave 4-year-old. They let me hug my mom and my sisters, hugs that I’ll never take for granted. They help me wrap myself up in the safe arms of my sweetheart.


My stretch mark covered tummy - the area I hate the most. The place where most of my pain shows up daily from my chronic illness. The place that decided it was just done carrying my baby a couple of weeks ago. The place I resent the most. But also the place that reminds me every day to never take a pain-free day for granted. To remember that health is everything and that life is precious.


If you told me you've never had “body image issues,” I’d probably call you a liar-liar pants on fire. I’m just here to remind you that your body is beautiful, even when it feels broken. It has carried you through the lowest lows and the highest highs, and I don’t think it’s done quite yet.


I pinky promise you, the way that you look is the least interesting thing about you.

You’re a babe, a 10/10!

Let’s make peace & start talking to our bodies like they belong to someone we love ❤️

 

How to Talk to a Suicidal Friend

 

I’m not yet a mental health professional, these are tips I’ve picked up along the way as a Crisis Counselor Volunteer and Therapy Graduate Student.

The first thing I want you to know is this: if a friend or family member mentions having thoughts around “ending it,” “taking their life,” “killing their self” or anything else regarding suicide to you - please know that you are a good friend.
It takes a lot of courage for someone to say those things out loud. 

 

One of the most important things that you can do if someone you care about talks about suicide is to remain calm and just listen. They need you to encourage them to talk and then they need you to listen carefully. 

 

+ Don’t be afraid to use direct language. Contrary to popular belief, using words like "suicide", “are you thinking of killing yourself?", and "dead” aren’t going to put those ideas in their head.

+ Just listen to them. Don’t judge. Don’t argue, and don’t list out all the reasons they should stay here. Just listen.

+ Don’t invalidate their pain. It’s simply not true that everyone who mentions suicide is doing it for attention. Never assume someone is seeking attention when they talk about suicide. Don’t say things like “why would you want to do that?” 

 

 

Be Clear & Get Answers to Better Help Them

If they’ve mentioned things that make you think they are having suicidal thoughts, (Things like: “I’m just a burden on everyone.” “The world would be better off without me.” “I just want this pain to stop.”) ask questions in order to assess the situation. 

First, verify they are thinking of suicide by using direct language we talked about earlier, “Are you thinking about ending your life?”

If they say yes encourage them to reach out to Crisis Text Line by texting “HOME” to 741741 or encourage them to call the suicide hotline at 800-273-8255.

 If you feel they need immediate help, please call 911. 

 

We can’t force people to see a therapist, but listening to them without judgment, and encouraging them to text or call for help is the easiest way to be there for them. Reassure them that you’re there to listen, but that it also might be helpful to reach out to these sources. When people are going through heavy emotions and life situations, it isn’t always easy to reach out for help.

If you need help while helping a friend or family member through tough situations, you can also text “HOME” to 741741 and a Crisis Counselor can walk you through how to help.

I want you to remember, you are strong and courageous. You are trustworthy, and loyal and I know you are a supportive friend. After you’ve had tough conversations like this, it’s important to take care of yourself too. Go for a walk, do some yoga, listen to your favorite music, or do whatever form of self-care you prefer. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Resources to Share

Veterans Crisis Line
Send a text to 838255

Vets4Warriors

The Recovery Village
877.878.3201

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline (Substance Abuse)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474

The Trevor Project
1-866-488-7386

The Rehab Spot
(833) 382-0935


 

5 Road Signs Telling You to Do a Social Media Detox

001. Scrolling brings you anxiety.

If you’ve never experienced anxiety, it’s not always just one symptom. Anxiety can be feeling like your heart is racing out of control, excessive sweating, your muscles getting stiff, headaches and stomachaches. This was one of my major road signs that I needed to log off of social media for a bit.

002. You’re in a constant state of comparison

If you suddenly find yourself unhappy with things you were happy with before; your house, your clothes, your appearance, your body image - you might be comparing your lives to the others you see behind a screen. Remember- you are only seeing their highlight reel. And more times than not - it’s probably been edited in some form or fashion. I didn’t realize I was doing this - but I was definitely comparing my life with other Instagram moms. They had everything I ever wanted, the huge yard, 5 kids running around - and they were always super happy, healthy & put together! This only made my infertility harder to deal with. Truth be told, everyone has their own struggles but nobody puts those on display.

003. You haven’t created anything in a while.

If you’re a creative person and you haven’t actually created anything in a while - you might be drowning in other people’s work. This is one good way to pull all your creative energy and motivation right out from under your feet. Take a few days away from your apps and see if you get a fresh perspective. Maybe you are not a creative person - but have you stopped doing other things you used to love doing?

004. You notice yourself not paying attention to the people right in front of you.

Social media is an amazing tool that was created with the best of intentions - to help us communicate and socialize. However, when we are face to face with people, it’s easy to forget to put our phones down and focus on the conversation right in front of us. Personally, this is the biggest sign that you might need to do a social media detox. When my husband lovingly pointed out that he had been trying to carry on a conversation with me but I couldn’t take my eyes off my phone - it broke my heart and I realized I needed to change a few things. Here I was with the love of my life trying to capture my attention but I couldn’t take my eyes off of a (most likely ridiculous political) Facebook post long enough to answer his question. That’s ridiculous.

005. You have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) when you aren’t scrolling through your social media apps.

I know this sounds crazy but “fear-of-missing-out” is a legit thing. For the first week of my “detox,” I would catch myself grabbing my phone to see what so & so was up to because it was probably something SUPER FUN that I was missing out on! (Even though I already knew most of my friends were playing it safe in quarantine like me.) Not having Facebook will definitely prompt you to text and call your friends more often to check in on them, and that’s never a bad thing!

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes... including you.”

— Anne Lamott

How to Prepare for Your Laparoscopy

 

Last week I had my second laparoscopic surgery. My first one was on September 30, 2019, so I guess you could say I’m a frequent flyer. The first laparoscopy I had was more exploratory, my OBGYN had found some questionable cysts/polyps so she ordered a CA125 test. That CA125 came back elevated. This led to visits with a gynecologic oncologist to rule out cancer. Needless to say, that was a scary season to walk through. That first laparoscopy ruled out cancer but led to a Stage-Three Endometriosis diagnosis. My surgeon said my ovaries were fused together - this is apparently called “kissing ovaries.” How cute, right? They were then fused to my bladder. I also had lots of adhesions and scarring.

Now we’ve started the IVF process. My reproductive endocrinologist did not want to start the first part of the medications because I had several large endometriomas (this is where Eminem’s Guess Who’s Back song gets stuck in my head. Endometriosis is an aggressive and persistent kind of evil) that would be in her way during the egg retrieval. Now that I’ve been through this twice, I thought I’d pass on some of the knowledge I’ve gained.



Pre-Op

I don’t know about you, but the idea of having surgery freaked.me.out. The idea of being under anesthesia was the scariest part. What if it didn’t work? Or what if it worked TOO well and I didn’t wake up?! To answer the first concern - it will work. I’m no doctor, but I don’t think they’ll operate if it doesn’t work. Regarding my second concern about waking up, I woke up eventually - I think it took a while but I did. I remember it being the fuzziest feeling, hearing my nurses talk but feeling like I was far away in a dream. It was weird. I remember wanting to know where my husband was but not being able to form words. Immediately following surgery I wasn’t in a ton of pain - yet. I think I was still loaded with all the good drugs I couldn’t feel anything!

I didn’t get to leave the second surgery as fast as I did the first. You are required to “void” (pee) before they’ll let you leave, and my bladder would not wake up! It took three times and the nurse sweetly warning me if I wasn’t able to urinate they’d have to send me home with a catheter. They even brought a machine in to do a sonogram of my bladder to see if it was filling up. Two juice boxes and two water bottles later and I was good to go. Whew!

Recovery

My first surgery left me with INSANE pain in my right shoulder and stomach. This surgery left me with the same, but more so in my rib cage. During your surgery, they fill your abdomen with CO2 gas. The pain the gas leaves behind while trying to escape your body is NO joke! It hurt me more than the incisions each time.

Here is what helped me s-l-o-w-l-y get rid of the pain; I’ve provided Amazon links to make it easier for you to find this stuff!

+taking short walks around the house

+gas x

+peppermint tea

+shoulder heat patch

+intermittently using a heating pad

+stool softener. just trust me on this one.

+time


 

A Mental Health Resource Roundup

 

Does your world feel a little bit wrong-side-up? There is absolutely no shame in seeking help, but it can be challenging to find the perfect outlet. I've rounded up some of my favorite, free, mental health resources, in case you need a little extra support right now. Find the Ultime Mental Health Resource Roundup for Help Now below.

These links are in no way, shape, or form meant to take place of talking to your doctor or seeing a therapist. It's time to end the stigma around mental health. Our bodies are complex, made by a divinely creative Creator. There is no shame in speaking to a therapist or taking medication. We take medicine for other organs in our body, our brain is just another complex, multifaceted part of our body. You are not alone.

Mental Health Resource Roundup

Anxiety/Depression

Anxiety: For example, you'll find mindfulness, meditation, guided breathing on this app for when you’re working through anxiety. www.my.life

Anxiety/Depression: Dartmouth Recordings, guided exercises for deep breathing and meditation. https://students.dartmouth.edu/wellness-center/wellness-mindfulness/mindfulness-meditation/guided-audio-recordings

Anxiety, Depression/General: Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor. This is free, 24/7 support - through text. I personally know how hard it can be to talk on the phone or even in person. Texting takes so much of the anxiety out of getting help.

BIPOC

BIPOC: A 24/7 crisis hotline that prioritizes BIPOC. You can call them (800)-604-5841 OR text. www.callblackline.com

Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective: www.beam.community

Faith-Based

Faith-Based Help: My Quiet Cave: http://www.myquietcave.org Faith-based mental health help. "We want people everywhere to know the love and hope of Jesus in the midst of mental health struggles."

Faith-Based Help: Fresh Hope. https://www.freshhope.us/

General Help

Help/General: Search engine for free or reduced-cost things like food, medical assistance, job training, etc. www.auntbertha.com

Help/General: 211.org Service that will help connect you to help near you with essential needs, disaster assistance, crisis, and emergency, etc. Available 24/7/365. 

Parental Stress

Parental Stress: Their motto is “Empowering parents to nurture children and build  stronger families.” Toll-free helpline #1-800-632-8188. Great helpline for parents who are stressed out/under pressure and need someone to talk to. Available 24/7 and completely confidential. www.parentshelpingparents.org/parental-stress-line

Sexual Assault

Sexual Violence/Assault:  www.metoomvmt.org A site full of resources and help for survivors of sexual violence or assault. Everything from help finding healing, legal assistance, advice for helping someone else who’s been a victim of sexual assault.

National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline : Call 800- 656- 4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area, or go online www.rainn.org to chat online with someone, completely confidential.

These are just a handful of research-backed mental health resources.

If you know of another resource that you think I should add, please comment below! I'd love to hear from you.

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