Infertility is a journey no one expects to take, yet it impacts 1 in 8 couples. For those on the outside—family, friends, and loved ones—it can be hard to know how to help. What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? Personally, I am one of the “1 in 8.”

As a therapist, I’ve seen how infertility can strain relationships, deepen feelings of isolation, and test even the strongest support systems. Let’s talk about how you can be a source of comfort, understanding, and strength during this challenging time.

1. Listen More, Talk Less

Infertility is deeply personal, and every person experiences it differently. The best thing you can do is create a space for them to share their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment.

What to do: Say things like, “I’m here if you want to talk,” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”
What to avoid: Offering advice like, “Just relax, and it will happen.” While well-intentioned, such comments can minimize their struggle - and honestly- drive them absolutely crazy.

2. Educate Yourself About Infertility

Understanding the emotional, physical, and financial toll of infertility can help you empathize better. Learn the basics of infertility treatments, but remember: you’re not there to be an expert.

Why it matters: When you’re informed, you’re less likely to unintentionally say something hurtful, like assuming they can "just adopt" or question why they’re pursuing a specific treatment.

3. Respect Their Boundaries

Not everyone will want to discuss their infertility journey, and that’s okay. Respect their need for privacy.

What to do: Follow their lead on how much they want to share. If they don’t bring it up, don’t push them to talk.
What to avoid: Asking intrusive questions like, “How much is all this costing you?” or “Whose fault is it?”

4. Avoid Toxic Positivity

While positivity has its place, phrases like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you’re still young!” can feel dismissive. Infertility is a loss—of expectations, timelines, and sometimes pregnancies—and it’s okay to acknowledge that pain.

What to do: Say, “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. I’m here for you.”

5. Be Mindful of Milestones and Social Media

Pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and Mother’s Day celebrations can be incredibly triggering. While you shouldn’t tiptoe around your own joy, be sensitive about how it’s shared.

What to do: If you’re close, consider sharing big news privately before a public announcement so they can process it in their own time. I had a friend get pregnant during our struggle with infertility - she invited me over for breakfast and told me in person before she blasted it on her social media. That was one of the most thoughtful gestures - and I was ecstatic for her!
What to avoid: Tagging them in baby-related posts or assuming they’ll attend every family baby event.

6. Offer Practical Help

Infertility treatments can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Small gestures of support can mean a lot.

What to do: Offer to cook a meal, run errands, or just spend time with them in a way that feels normal and unrelated to their journey.
What to avoid: Assuming they want constant distraction. Some days they might, other days they might just need space.

7. Acknowledge Their Partner’s Experience

Infertility impacts both partners, even if only one is undergoing treatments or experiencing medical challenges. Don’t forget to check in on both people in the relationship.

8. Be Patient and Flexible

This journey can last months or years, and emotions will ebb and flow. Your loved one may cancel plans last-minute or seem distant at times. Try not to take it personally.

9. Know When to Encourage Professional Help

If your loved one seems overwhelmed, hopeless, or withdrawn for long periods, gently suggest they consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Infertility is tough, and professional help can make a difference.

10. Remind Them They’re Not Alone

The struggle with infertility can feel isolating, but knowing they have someone in their corner can make all the difference. Your presence, patience, and kindness can be a light in an otherwise dark time.

Final Thoughts
Supporting someone through infertility isn’t about saying the perfect thing; it’s about being there. As a therapist, I’ve seen how powerful understanding and just holding space for someone can be in the healing process. If you’re unsure of how to help, start with this: Show up, listen, and let them know you care. Sometimes, that’s all they really need.

Have you supported someone through infertility or experienced it yourself? Share your insights in the comments—your words might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

Breaking Down the Myths About Therapy: What’s True, What’s Not, and Why You Shouldn’t Be Scared

Therapy. It’s one of those things people love to whisper about at dinner parties but rarely say out loud. For something that’s changed the lives of millions, there still seems to be a bit of a negative stigma around seeking therapy. So let’s roll up our sleeves, bust some myths, and have a good laugh along the way.

Myth #1: “Therapists are just paid friends.”

Ah yes, because nothing screams “friendship” like someone who has a clock ticking in the background and asks, “How does that make you feel?”
Reality: While a therapist is kind (we promise), they’re not your buddy. They’re highly trained professionals who are there to guide you through challenges, teach you coping strategies, and help you see patterns in your life that your BFF might not mention for fear of ruining your brunch plans.

Also, unlike your actual friends, therapists don’t interrupt your heart-wrenching story to tell you about their latest dating drama.

Myth #2: “Therapy is only for people who are ‘broken.’”

First of all, nobody’s “broken.” But if therapy were only for people who feel like a hot mess, there wouldn’t be so many clients showing up in business suits and leaving in better spirits than their barista sees at 7 a.m.
Reality: Therapy is for anyone who wants to improve their life, relationships, or mental health. Think of it like the gym but for your brain. Even the strongest minds need a good workout.

Myth #3: “Therapists will fix my problems for me.”

Oh, wouldn’t that be nice? Just roll into a session, explain your woes, and walk out with a step-by-step manual for a perfect life.
Reality: A therapist is more like your co-pilot, not your mechanic. They help you navigate, but you’re still the one steering the plane. They’ll point out the storm clouds and guide you around turbulence, but the work? That’s on you, my friend.

Myth #4: “Therapy is all about lying on a couch while someone judges you.”

Look, the couch thing is mostly for the movies. If you want to lie down, most therapists won’t mind, but there’s usually a perfectly good chair.
Reality: Therapy is about creating a judgment-free zone to explore your thoughts, feelings, and goals. Your therapist isn’t there to critique your life choices—they’re there to help you understand them and figure out what’s next. Plus, the only person judging you for wearing sweatpants to therapy is probably you.

Myth #5: “Therapists will psychoanalyze me the second we meet.”

Picture this: You’re at a party, you casually mention you’re a therapist, and someone immediately says, “Oh no, you’re totally analyzing me right now!” Spoiler: We’re not. We’re probably thinking about the snack table.
Reality: Therapists save the analysis for sessions where it’s helpful, not every casual conversation. Outside the office, they’re regular humans with regular thoughts (and yes, they probably binge-watch Netflix, too).

Myth #6: “Therapy is too expensive.”

Okay, this one can be valid, but let’s put it in perspective: How much are you spending on coffee, streaming services, or takeout each month?
Reality: Many therapists offer sliding scales, accept insurance, or work at non-profits with lower fees. And considering therapy helps improve your overall mental health, it’s more of an investment in your future than a one-time splurge. Plus, no amount of avocado toast can solve your existential crisis (though it’s delicious while you work on it).

Final Thoughts: Therapy Is What You Make It

Therapy isn’t scary, mysterious, or for “other people.” It’s a tool—a really great tool—that can help you live your best life. If you’ve been hesitant to try it, hopefully, this cleared up some misconceptions and eased your mind a bit.

And remember: Even if you do lie on the couch, no one’s judging you. We’ve all been there.

What other myths have you heard about therapy? Drop them in the comments—I’d love to bust a few more!